Anxiety. The Constant Burden.

It has been a while since I shared but I was avoiding the keyboard and the computer screen. At times they are not my friend. But, here’s a piece I wrote this morning about this morning (hahaha). A state I have been for a while. I figure, I share.

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Fire in my chest. Yet I get enough air. The constant thought that my chest is constricting. My body is always on an alert. When will this all stop?

I scream quite often. If not aloud, then inside my mind.

That’s my anxiety which never takes a vacation and I am lying on the floor, legs and arms spread out. The morning begins and the lesions don’t end. I scoop my thoughts into a struggling inhale.

Good morning Saturday.

The snow has come again and I get dressed to shovel the white blanket. At least the temperature is mild. Canada’s winter, where within span of twelve hours we can go from rain, snow, to complete blast of sunshine. But, I am forced to take frequent breaks. My anxiety is at its full force. As soon as my heart starts paddling up the stream due to the exercise, my mind spins it to a thought of ‘You’re suffocating.” But, I’m not suffocating. My oxygen level is at a healthy 99 percent. That’s the fucking trick of a mind that makes you believe in things that aren’t real.

Anxiety. The constant burden.