real time with jacob

After the Thoughts

It’s been a week and my engagement with the thoughts of death has pretty much stayed the same. My captivity. However, instead of burying them and keeping them on lockdown, I spill them out. I open up and talk, although frightening, it makes me feel in control. These are thoughts that I need to work through instead of giving into them. I try to get through the day instead of focusing on the future. Try to distract me by doing little things that I enjoy which help me take my mind off thinking. Doing things not thinking. Keeping active, physically moving helps more than thinking. I’ve also attended support groups, forcing myself to be around people even when I’m not in the mood to be so. And breathe. Concentrate on breathing to stay in the moment.

The purpose of this note is to check in and say I’m okay. I’m coping. I’m managing.

I know that I cannot escape or change my DNA and be constantly on the healthy side of things. Everyone has bad days. Everyone has stress and some level of anxiety. I’m more tuned into the pain, the anxiety, the stress. Have to work a little harder. Talking and knowing that I’m not alone, helps.

Can’t give up. Lots to live for.

At times, thinking about my wife’s smile is all it takes to lift me, even if it’s just a nudge.

Some links on how to cope:

How to cope with suicidal thoughts (

Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts (

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