real time with jacob


It’s raining pills in my room, well, not really, but I feel like it’s raining pills in my room. My day has been a little bit of mishap focusing too much on my inner self, on the insides of me. I hear every little rumble in my stomach, the echo of my heart and my heartbeat synchronizing and completely falling out of the union. It’s this recent preoccupation with my wellbeing. Like my veins being too blue a few weeks ago, to today and the noise in my gut and my heart. The preoccupation, I don’t even know if it’s a symptom or a disease anymore, nonetheless, it’s disrupting my day. I can’t take the focus of my wellbeing and neglect everything else as to what I should be doing, accomplishing.

This preoccupation; it gets me in trouble. Exaggerates the visions of things going wrong, so my heart starts to beat faster like I knew it would. Like I knew that there was something wrong. Then again, maybe I’m beckoning it to happen. When you visualize chaos, chaos will follow. When you visualize peace, peace will settle into every cell and grow.

A shift is needed. A shift in my perception, in my reality. Let’s get back to the calm and the buzz of the day. The dishes need to be done. The floor won’t sweep itself.

I am well. I am breathing. My lungs are full of air. My heart is beating fine. My stomach is just doing its thing and digesting the food… and my veins are the normal shade of blue.

The palm to my chest.

Inhale. The chest rises.

Exhale. The chest falls.

I am alive. I am breathing. I am well.

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