real time with jacob

Checking in and Participating in Group Therapy

The first five minutes is about checking in. As simple as it may sound, it does make me think longer than it should to take count of my well-being. Rate my state from 1 to 5 for that day, followed by some thought-provoking question to answer. We all have the choice not to answer, but I like to participate. I am a contributor even when I don’t feel like it or when I feel uncomfortable. But I push myself out of my safety parameter, my radiation-free zone.

Honestly, it does get hard to answer as simple a question as what is my favourite colour. It’s which colour should I choose, how do I answer? Should I be vague? Should the answer be long or short? Should I add an anecdote to the colour I select? Do I take out too much time? Do I take too much space? Am I allowing others to talk? I mean, it gets messy in my head.

The funny thing is that most of the time I think that no one is paying attention and listening because everyone’s head is probably consumed with the same chaos as mine and no one hears a thing the other person is saying.

So how do I feel today? What’s my check-in number? I would say I’m about a three. Not too anxious to spin out, but anxious enough to cause some discomfort and be aware that I’m anxious. My favourite colour is blue or is it orange? Ah! Let’s stick with pumpkin spice and chocolate, at least that’s what I’m craving. After all, it’s the season of autumn, and don’t we all just relish in the autumn colours. Relish as in savor, not the condiment. See, here we go with my side notes. And it’s not like it’s an organized and interesting anecdote but a first-thought-strike random spill of words. Sorry that’s all. Let’s move on to the next participant.

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