personal blog: simon
‘don’t start a fight… don’t start a fight.’ a mantra I should really live by, but the echoing words always swivel briefly and vanish. it’s too cold to dip toes in the water, plus the tide seems somewhat angry. the arctic chill still in the air.
“what was the last time you were in the city?” Bryan asks, pausing.
“saturday.” I tease.
he smiles, “before that?”
I’m astounded how Bryan’s inflection always sounds soft, inviting, soothing, and agreeable. not a single tremor of defiance.
“maybe three years.”
“you don’t travel here often?”
“no.” I pretty much stopped after I met Kevin. I think I pretty much stopped living after I met Kevin. I didn’t want Kevin to know me and where I was from and who were my friends, well the only one I had left.
“that’s around the time when Jacob was in the hospital?”
Jacob. everything always loops back to Jacob. but then again, he’s my safety blanket. it seems he might be Bryan’s as well.
“you visited him?”
“yes… are you two still inseparable?”
Bryan chuckles, “is that how you see us?”
“no.” that’s actually true, but I simply wanted Bryan to stop his probing.
“you see your family?” he asks.
now I chuckle, “you don’t give up.”
“my inquest?” his smile of pride. “no… as it seems you have stopped to speak.”
“because I disclosed everything I needed to disclose a decade ago.” that might have come out a bit harsher than I intended it to. damn.
Bryan’s face becomes a complete blank, “ah.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” all these apologies. will I ever stop feeling guilty for everything I say and do? “what I meant… nothing much distinctive happened in my life that’s worthy of a note.”
“not even a footnote?” he teases.
I tease back. “no.”
“okay.” is Bryan being agreeable or did he just challenge me? damn. I can’t tell, as long as he doesn’t say ‘hm’ or ‘ah’. for that will be most detestable, but he only smiles and echoes, “okay,” and gets to his feet. “let me walk you to your car.”
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