ARFID

Why do I write about food, eating, and hunger? Because it’s something I have been struggling with for the last decade. I went from eating anything and everything to limiting my menu selection to chicken fingers and potatoes. I went from loving food to fearing it. In the last decade I have struggled with weight loss on and off; and extreme weight loss twice to the point where it scared me. I sought help from my family doctor at first thinking that I was having cancer or some physical ailment that was preventing me from keeping on the weight. Although, at the back of my mind, I also knew it might be the stress, past trauma, and anxiety causing me to physically fade. When it was ruled out that there is nothing physically wrong with me; I could no longer deny the reality.

ARFID. Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. What is it? It’s a fairly new eating disorder. It is characterized by the persistent refusal to eat specific foods or refusal to eat any type of food due to a negative response to certain food colors, texture, or smell. A person may refuse to eat out of fear of becoming sick or the fear of choking on food. This disorder is not characterized by the obsession with body shape or weight; rather, it simply is due to the disinterest and avoidance of foods. Just like in any eating disorder, a person can end up with excessive and unhealthy weight loss and malnutrition.

The exact cause of ARFID is not known but the combination of these might be a factor:

• temperament,
•  genes,
•  triggering events (such as choking),
•  gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD),
•  eosinophilic esophagitis,
•  allergies, or
•  other medical conditions that can lead to feeding problems

I have three of these factors besides general anxiety and trauma from near-death misses. I remember there was a point in my life when I didn’t eat chewy foods because I was afraid of choking on them. I used to peel the skin off my grapes or sipped water through a straw. I stopped eating gluten and fruits because they were causing me stomach discomfort. I would not eat when I felt anxious or under stress. Thus, I would not eat enough and walk around most days hungry, upset, and depressed. It caused physical and mental havoc on my body. I became nutritionally impaired, became more anxious limiting more and more of what I was eating.

Last year was very scary for me. I lost a lot of weight very quickly and I couldn’t go on anymore. I didn’t know what to do anymore. Eventually, I was diagnosed with ARFID. Somehow, that gave me hope. I pushed through, and I managed. And I am happy to report that I gained the weight back and feel better. Feel that I finally have some energy to live. The sad part of this disease is that just like a person with anorexia or bulimia obsess about weight, I weigh myself consistenly to see if I have lost weight. Because I fear losing weight. Because when I lose weight I find that is the first sign that something is wrong, that I am not eating enough. The other sad part is that I haven’t fully recovered yet. I still get panicky and anxious after a meal. I fear the pain or an allergic reaction that may follow. At times, it takes me an hour or half a day to recover from such thoughts. And then the next round of a meal comes around and I go through the cycle all over again. It’s persistent, tiring, and frightening.

So, why am I saying all of this? Because at times I may post a story about food, eating, and hunger. It’s a never-ending battle.

Jacob