real time with jacob

The Trouble With Language

A lump, a blimp, a blip, all sound the same to me today. Not just sound, possess the same meaning. Possess as in, take possession of, seize, have full control and power over it. In the remote everything appears to be in unison merging into one undeviating straight line. Like the sound of buzzing, “beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeā€¦” Hopefully, when I close my eyes this will all pass but it doesn’t. Closing my eyes only relieves the symptom for a moment.

It’s funny. English is my first and only language but at times I feel like I’m learning it all from scratch.

I get like this when I’m tired, busy, disorganized, depressed, or anxious. Yeah, so, basically, just living my life.

So, what’s my trouble; the trouble that I have been repetitively talking about over many years. So, what’s my trouble with language? That it becomes chaotic at times.

How do I guide myself out of it? I sit and wait. Eventually, the moment passes and I can grasp reality again. Other than that I build my sentences very slowly and cautiously. Like today. Writing a sentence takes about 20 to 30 minutes. But, I push myself to get through. To weave some story and inconclusive point. But at least I attempted to use the language, to relearn it once again.

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