annul my chaos and forgive me for all my mishaps
you did

‘what it’s like?’ you asked, ‘the darkness that spins me to the tunnel?’
‘the orbit of a black hole?’

‘there,’ i said, ‘it all begins’

the pull
where the winter snow seems to fall in the summer
and the sky seems to bleed parachutes in flavour of buzz blue
and the laughter of the strangers amplifies the hate that i endure
because i’m the only one to blame
my actions, as innocent they may appear, make me guilty of existence
my existence

how do i tell myself, i am worthy, i am kind
i am a treasure for you to cherish and behold
when i don’t hold a value of self
and the winter follows me around, the wound that never scabs

no amount of screaming tunes out the voices inside
no amount of silence puts the puzzle pieces back right

the only thing
you always asked, ‘what it’s like to survive the chaos that slices me apart?”

‘you,’ i answered, ‘your chaos assembles me into one.’

let the snow fall in summer
let the sky weep in crimson as the parachutes cover the sands
let the laughter of strangers be nothing more than an echo of your heart
let my actions lead me down the road to a treasure chest filled with love

delete the expectations
learn
we are an infinity of imperfections and resilient beauty
fighting
united
less like cowards but brave souls, the soldiers inside our chaos

© jacob greb – from lovers’ tiff: a ballad